Outrage

For me, one of the most important tenants of recovery is peace. For most of my life, the only peace I knew was derived from drugs. If I had them in me or on me, I was calm and happy. And if I didn’t, I was a wreck. Today, I try to stay peaceful so the discord I’m so used to living with won’t return. That’s when I’m at risk of relapsing. During this quest, I’ve found that I’m also addicted to outrage. The perceived injustices of the world, things I can do nothing about, ruin my peace. But for some inexplicable reason, I actively seek information on these things so I can feel outrage. I stopped watching the news, because the anger I felt was causing me to suffer, and I wasn’t even aware of it most of the time. But my new battleground is Facebook, because it gives me a chance to insult the people I disagree with, even though they had nothing to do with the cause of my outrage. As an addict, my primary goal in life was to feel good. It amazes me how, in sobriety, I instinctively want to suffer.

1 thought on “Outrage”

  1. Wow. I relate to “I instinctively want to suffer” and being addicted to outrage. Mine is toward the fundamental evangelical church/my father. I will search FB like a dog returning to vomit. Sought out your book because we’re in a small wealthy Texas town that denies its high school students have a drug problem. Thanks for telling your story.

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