Here are some questions I am frequently asked.  If you care to ask me again, that's okay.

Are you really sober?

I am absolutely sober.  I swear.  I'm not lying this time.

Would you mind terribly if I purchased one thousand copies of your book?

As a matter of fact, that would be quite acceptable.

Can you give me relationship advice?

No, I can't.  I know nothing about that.

Can you explain Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle?

The duality of a quantum particles' state prevents the accurate determination of position and velocity simultaneously.

Why should I give a shit about you?

I'm not really sure.