Here are some questions I am frequently asked.  If you care to ask me again, that’s okay.


Are you really sober?

I am absolutely sober.  I swear.  I’m not lying this time.


Would you mind terribly if I purchased one thousand copies of your book?

As a matter of fact, that would be quite acceptable.


Can you give me relationship advice?

Yes. Find a partner as incredible as my girlfriend, Leslie. Good luck with that.


Can you explain Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle?

The duality of a quantum particles’ state prevents the accurate determination of position and velocity simultaneously.


Do you like to snuggle?

Yes.


Why should I give a shit about you?

I’m not really sure.